I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
