Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
