My first STD was from a foam party
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize