If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
