The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
