I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
