You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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