How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
