Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
