I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
