You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
