Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
