A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
