i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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