Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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