is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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