Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
