Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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