You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize