don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Soap is not a condiment
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
