who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
