if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
