I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize