yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
