The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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