Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize