You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
