Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize