We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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