you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
