Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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