lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize