Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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