This is not my ceiling
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
