i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
