youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
