can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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