I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
