he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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