Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
