did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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