I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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