put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
