I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
