i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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