Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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