I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
