he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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