1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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