Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
