So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
