I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
