come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize