This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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