where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
