beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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