What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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