i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize