I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
