Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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