I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
