You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
