you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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