i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
