nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
