guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
