dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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