Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
