allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just invented taco cereal.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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