I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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