can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
only you would photoshop your dick
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Randomize