Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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