So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
