i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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