your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
