I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
