I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
