Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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