Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
