so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
