he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
